Acronyms for International AirlinesItalyALITALIA = Always Late In The Air, Late In ArrivalALITALIA = Arrived Late In Turin, And Luggage In Australia--------------------------------------------------------------------------------BritainBOAC = Better on a camel --------------------------------------------------------------------------------BelgiumSABENA = Such A Bloody Experience Never Again--------------------------------------------------------------------------------PakistanPIA = Please, Inform Allah--------------------------------------------------------------------------------YugoslaviaJAT = Joke About Time--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Pacific Western AirlinesPWA = Pray While AloftPWA = Please Wait Awhile Airlines--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Trans World Airlines = Teeney Weeny Airlines.

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room."You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here, "she cried," one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

All of these pilot and aviation jokes get me to thinking about my first skydiving instructor. During class he would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions.One guy asked, "If our chute doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?"Our jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan and answered, "The rest of your life."

A blonde went to a flight school insisting that she wanted to learn to fly. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter. He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way.After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can barely remember anything after I turned off the big fan!"

Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the mid west, and had been married years.Bob had always want to go flying. The desire deepen each time a barn stormer flew into town to offer rides.Bob would ask, and Sue would say, "No way, ten dollars is ten dollars."The years went pay, and Bob figured he didn't have much longer, so he got Sue out to the show, explaining, it's free to watch, let's at least watch.And once he got there the feeling become real strong. Sue and Bob started an arguement.The Pilot, between flights, overheard, listened to they problem, and said, "I'll tell you what, I'll take you up flying, and if you don't say a word the ride is on me, but if you back one sound, you pay ten dollars.So off they flew. The Pilot doing as many rolls, and dives as he could.Heading to the ground as fast as the plane could go, and pulling out of the dive at just the very last second. Not a word. Finally he admited defeat and went back the air port. "I'm surprised, why didn't you say anything?""Well I almost said something when Sue fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

I have a friend who is a pilot on a 747.I said "Hi Jack."He shot me.

The most dangerous organization in America today is:a) The KKKb) The American Nazi Partyc) The Delta Frequent Flyer Club

According to "The Australian," an airliner recently encountered severe vibration in flight.The captain decided to make an emergency landing, and switched on the seat belt sign.The vibration stopped immediately.A passenger emerged from a lavatory and explained that he had been jogging in place inside.

Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relatives all over the country.The problem was that no matter how much she enjoyed seeing them, she hated flying. No matter how safe people told her it was, she was always worried that someone would have a bomb on the plane. She read books about how safe it was and listened to the stewardess demonstrate all the safety features. But she still worried herself silly every time a visit was coming up. Finally, the family decided that maybe if she saw the statistics she'd be convinced. So they sent her to a friend of the family who was an actuary. "Tell me," she said suspiciously, "what are the chances that someone will have a bomb on a plane?" The actuary looked through his tables and said, "A very small chance. Maybe one in five hundred thousand." She nodded, then thought for a moment. "So what are the odds of two people having a bomb on the same plane?" Again he went through his tables. "Extremely remote," he said. "About one in a billion." Aunt Bessie nodded and left his office. And from that day on, every time she flew, she took a bomb with her.

A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together traveling through stormy conditions.Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. "There are only enough parachutes for four of the five of us," he announced. "Since I'm the pilot, I get one!" After saying this, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane."I'm the world's greatest athlete," proclaimed Michael Jordon. "This world needs great athletes, so I must live." Michael Jordon then grabbed a parachute and leaped out of the plane."I'm the smarest man in the world," bragged Bill Gates. "The world needs smart men, so I must also live!" Bill Gates grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.At this point, the Pope began to speak. "I have lived a long life compared to you, and you may take the last parachute. I will go down with the plane.""You don't have to stay here! The world's smartest man jumped out of the plane with my backpack."