The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. "Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac.""I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour.""That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"

Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body?Larry: Shhh, doctor! There are three dogs outside in the waiting room!

Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me, doctor?Surgeon: Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown.

Patient: Doctor, what does the X-ray of my head show?Doctor: Absolutely nothing!

Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown.Doctor: What does he call his other eye?

A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands."Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?""I don't see why not," replies the doctor."That's funny," says the man. "I wasn't able to play it before."

A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care.""Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month."

A man, seeking to lose some of his excess weight, visited the local doctor.John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?Doctor: Of course! Cut your head off.

A patient walks into a doctor's office.Patient: Doctor, people ignore me.Doctor: Next!

Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.