A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were robbing a supermarket when a police officer walked in the store.The three women decide to hide in three potato sacks.The cop kicks the first bag, and the brunette says, "meow", the cop says, "oh, its only a cat"He kicks the second bag, and the redhead says, "woof, woof". The cop says, "its only a dog".He kicks the third bag, and the blonde says, "potato"

A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic.He walks up to the drivers window and asks, "You drinkin'?"The driver said, "You buyin'?"

While driving down the road the motorist saw a roadside stand which had a fortune teller sitting under an umbrella. She was just sitting there smiling and laughing. The motorist passed on by and went a couple of miles on down the road. All of a sudden he spun his car around and sped back toward the fortune teller. As he got closer to the still laughing fortune teller he began to slow down. He pulled up next to the woman and jumped out of his car and suddenly began slapping and beating her.A policeman passing by screeched to a stop and wrestled the man to the ground. After cuffing the man he stood him up and asked him, "What do you think you're doing?"After a moment the man replied, ... "Well, I've always wanted to strike a happy medium."

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening worship service and was startled to find an intruder in her house.Catching the man in the act of burglarizing her home, she yelled, "STOP! Acts 2:38!" ("Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.")As the burglar stopped dead in his tracks, the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. Shortly, several officers arrived and took the man into custody.As he was placing the handcuffs on the burglar, one of the officers asked, "Why did you just stand there? All the lady did was mention a scripture verse.""Scripture?" replied the burglar."She said she had an axe and two 38's!"

Old Man On A Bench An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying."Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast, and we have then have fun together laughing and relaxing. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make fun together laughing and relaxing again. At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we relax more and enjoy ourselves."The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world!"So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live!"

The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman."What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer."I'm going to a lecture." the man said."And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked."My wife." said the man.

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.Putting her face in her hands, she moaned: "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"

A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too.Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini."The giant nodded."If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?"Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. "I can't get out of these," the giant growled."Are you sure?" the deputy asked. The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't do it.""In that case," said the deputy, "you're under arrest."

Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle.Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can't even ride a bicycle.

Two Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Camaro East on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly.The rookie Trooper pulled in behind him and said, "Hey, sarge, why did you stop?"The sarge replied, "He's in Georgia now. They're an hour ahead of us, so we'll never catch him."