TOP 10 McGreevey jokes.... 10 NJ state bird - swallow. 9 New Jersey Turnpike renamed Hershey Highway. 8 NJ raises terror alert level to lavender. 7 We know he didn't like bush, but this is ridiculous. 6 Now we know why McGreevey enjoyed "polling" so much. 5 What does McGreevey and the Israeli navy have in common? Jewish seamen. 4 NJ DMV now calls rear-end accidents a "mcgreevey". 3 Gives new meaning to "stuffing the ballot box". 2 Post headline: "McGreevey goes down!" 1 It shouldn't take McGreevey long to get out of the governor's mansion - he's already got all his schitt packed!

How many Los Angeles police officers does ittake to beat up a black motorist?None. He fell down the stairs.

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.

US Attorney General John Ashcroft was visiting an elementary school.After fifteen minutes speaking he says: 'I will now answer anyquestions you have.' Bobby stands up and says: 'I have four questions':1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore? 2. Why haven't you caught Osama bin Laden? 3. Why are you using the American Patriot Act to limit civil liberties?4. Where are the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq?Just then the bell goes and the kids rushed out to play. Upon returning, Mr Ashcroft said: "I am sorry we were interrupted. I will answer any questions you have.' A little girl called Julie stands upand says: 'I have six questions':1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore? 2. Why haven't you caught Osama bin Laden? 3. Why are you using the American Patriot Act to limit civil liberties?4. Where are the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq? 5. Why did the bell ring twenty minutes early?6. Where is Bobby?

Why did the chicken cross the road?- To escape an oppressive military regime.

Working With The FBIThe phone rings at FBI headquarters."Hello?""Hello, is this the FBI?""Yes. What do you want?""I'm calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He ishiding marijuana inside his firewood.""Thank you very much for the call, sir."The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux's house. Theysearch the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bustopen every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear atThibodeaux and leave.The phone rings at Thibodeaux's house."Hey, Adrian! Did the FBI come?""Yeah!""Did they chop your firewood?""Yep""Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?" Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?""Osama Bin Laden," she says. "Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock. "Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard." "I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the crap out of him."

When white man found this land, Indians were running it.There were:- No Taxes- No Debt- Plenty buffalo- Plenty beaver- Medicine man free- Women did all the work- Men hunted and fished all the time The white man was dumb enough to think he could improve on that system!

Osama Cave Memo===============Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours, but we've really come together as a group, and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for putting up the poster that says "There is no I in team," as well as the one that says "Hang In There, Baby." That cat is hilarious. However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave. And frankly, I have a few concerns. First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. Hey, you don't want to be stung and neither do I, so we need to sweep the cave daily. I've posted a sign-up sheet near the main cave opening. Second, it's not often I make a video address, but when I do, I'm trying to scare the most powerful country on earth, okay? That means that while we're taping, please do not ride your razor scooter in the background. Just while we're taping. Thanks. Third point, and this is a touchy one. As you know, by edict, we're not supposed to shave our beards. But I need everyone to just think hygiene, especially after mealtime. We're all in this together. Fourth: food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently, clearly wrote "Osama" on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, my Cheez-Its were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying. Finally, we've heard that there may be American soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them.First patrol will be Omar, Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar, and Richard. Love you lots. Osama

Dear Abby:My husband is a lying cheat. He tells me he loves me, but he has cheated our entire marriage. He is a good provider and has many friends and supporters. They know he is a lying cheat, but they just avoid the issue. He is a hard worker but many of his coworkers are leery of him. Every time he gets caught, he denies it all. Then he admits that he was wrong and begs me to forgive him.This has been going on for so long, everyone in town knows he is a cheat.I don't know what to do.SignedFrustrated ----------------Dear Frustrated: You should dump him. Now that you are finally a New York Senator, you don't need him anymore.